How Many Friends Is Too Many?

An item in the May 2010 Real Simple magazine had the following information:

"150. The maximum number of friends a person can keep up with, according to anthropologist Robin Dunbar. And that holds for the social-media world: Dunbar recently completed a related study confirming that no matter how many online "friends" you have, you can really have only 150 true ones."

I'll admit, my first thought when I read that was, "wow, I need to get some more friends!"

I am not on Facebook, Twitter, My Space, or any other social network. I have lots of friends that are on, and of course all four of my kids are on. They urge me occasionally to get on Facebook, but I don't want to.

I have two really good reasons for this. Number 1: I can barely keep up with the friends I have in the real world. And Number 2: I don't need to relive my high school experience by reconnecting with the people I hung out with back then.

For years there was an email that made the rounds about friends, specifically girlfriends. How many you can have, what the level of friendship really is, how they drift into and out of your life, all that kind of stuff. I used to think of friendship in three levels.

The "A" level comprised of the 1-3 friends that you absolutely can't live without. They are there for everything, no matter when or what, and are the keepers of your deepest secrets, fears, joys, dreams.

The "B" level friends are the 5-10 friends that you have contact with on a regular basis. They're in your life and you're in theirs, but not daily.

The "C" level is the friend/acquaintance level. When you're with them you have a great time, but when you're not, it's no big deal.

I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, but I no longer subscribe to the levels of friendship theory. I have friends.The role of each friend in my life is unique. I have one friend that is so wise, I know that she will never steer me wrong. I have a friend that I can whine to, and she'll listen for about 1 minute and then kick my butt back on track. I have friends that I rarely see, but stay in close contact with through phone calls/email. I have once-a-year Christmas card friends that I'm thankful I haven't lost touch with. I have friends that I need more than they need me, and I have friends that need me more than I need them.

I don't spend a lot of time (actually I don't spend any time) analyzing these relationships. I just enjoy them. I don't regret the lapses between our visits, I'm just grateful that we get to visit. I'm not as quick to cut a person out of my life as I was in my youth. I've learned that friendships that seem to be one-sided really aren't. Instead they're open-ended, giving each of us the freedom to bounce into and out of each other's lives as needed.

Being the analytical, list-making, obsessive person that I am, I did think of making a list of my friends to see just how many I really do have, but I didn't. And I'm not going to. I don't need to have a certain number of friends, I just need to make sure that when a new friendship comes my way, I'm ready to embrace it.