Truth be told I have been down for several months. I know why I'm down and the reason is purely selfish. Because I recognize that I'm selfish, I feel guilty. Because I feel guilty, I purposely concentrate on all of the blessings in my life and how they should offset the one disappointment I have. I do well at that level, until I feel down again.
Yesterday I read a blog post that reminded me that circumstances change. I'm caught up in the sadness now, but in a few months or a few years things will change and this sadness will be forgotten. It occurred to me that others may be in my situation. So I want to share this inspirational post.
I started reading Anneliese's blog quite a while ago, maybe even a year ago. She is one of the "Mennonite Girls Can Cook" girls. Although I don't know her personally, I feel like I know her. Her writing is very open and honest. Please check out her blog. The post I'm referring to is entitled "Reflections on an Emptier Fuller Life". What a great title. What words of wisdom. What motivation for me to pull myself up and get over being down.
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
7.11.2011
Sad
You know that expression "I cried my eyes out"?
On my way to where I am today, I have encountered many people who use tears as a tool of manipulation. Consequently, I do not trust tears. I rarely cry myself. And when I do it's usually short-lived. I know that tears are supposed to be a form of emotional release. I know that I should feel better after a good cry. That doesn't work for me. I feel worse after I cry than I did before. I'm sure mental health experts would have some interesting opinions about me, but I really don't care.
Don't get me wrong. I shed a few tears at the important things. Hallmark commercials. That ad that features the unwanted, abused pets. News of a newborn baby even if I have no idea who the parents are. Military personnel leaving for overseas. Military personnel returning from overseas. Every time I hear the National Anthem.
Of course, I've cried over all of my kids. (The tears I've shed over Zach alone would fill an ocean!) But yesterday I was alone. And there's been a lot of stressors in my life lately. It was the perfect storm for tears.
Yesterday I got the sad news that JD and Janel are not moving near to us. I should clarify. They are moving nearer. To Kansas. I didn't realize how much my heart was set on them moving to Prescott, or Phoenix, or Colorado Springs, or anywhere within 12 hours until I got the news that Kansas is their destination.
I had been practicing what I would say if they should call and give me such news. And I delivered my lines perfectly. So well, in fact, that into the conversation JD asked me if I was disappointed. Are you kidding me?! Disappointed doesn't begin to cover it.
I didn't realize how much I was hoping for a closer destination for them. I made it through the phone call. Then I hung up the phone. And cried. For hours. Fortunately Dan called and I was able to stop crying.
My eyes are a mess this morning. I can't see a thing.
I feel terrible that I am so sad. I should be rejoicing! I think they made a wise decision. I support them totally in this and will be encouraging... tomorrow. I am so glad they are getting out of South Carolina. I am thrilled that JD has found a place to finish his internship hours. I am relieved knowing that they will be close to family (Janel's).
I knew intellectually that they weren't coming to Phoenix, but evidently my heart didn't get the memo.
If I had a bucket list, I guess I could cross "have a good cry" off of it. Except there was nothing good about it.
On my way to where I am today, I have encountered many people who use tears as a tool of manipulation. Consequently, I do not trust tears. I rarely cry myself. And when I do it's usually short-lived. I know that tears are supposed to be a form of emotional release. I know that I should feel better after a good cry. That doesn't work for me. I feel worse after I cry than I did before. I'm sure mental health experts would have some interesting opinions about me, but I really don't care.
Don't get me wrong. I shed a few tears at the important things. Hallmark commercials. That ad that features the unwanted, abused pets. News of a newborn baby even if I have no idea who the parents are. Military personnel leaving for overseas. Military personnel returning from overseas. Every time I hear the National Anthem.
Of course, I've cried over all of my kids. (The tears I've shed over Zach alone would fill an ocean!) But yesterday I was alone. And there's been a lot of stressors in my life lately. It was the perfect storm for tears.
Yesterday I got the sad news that JD and Janel are not moving near to us. I should clarify. They are moving nearer. To Kansas. I didn't realize how much my heart was set on them moving to Prescott, or Phoenix, or Colorado Springs, or anywhere within 12 hours until I got the news that Kansas is their destination.
I had been practicing what I would say if they should call and give me such news. And I delivered my lines perfectly. So well, in fact, that into the conversation JD asked me if I was disappointed. Are you kidding me?! Disappointed doesn't begin to cover it.
I didn't realize how much I was hoping for a closer destination for them. I made it through the phone call. Then I hung up the phone. And cried. For hours. Fortunately Dan called and I was able to stop crying.
My eyes are a mess this morning. I can't see a thing.
I feel terrible that I am so sad. I should be rejoicing! I think they made a wise decision. I support them totally in this and will be encouraging... tomorrow. I am so glad they are getting out of South Carolina. I am thrilled that JD has found a place to finish his internship hours. I am relieved knowing that they will be close to family (Janel's).
I knew intellectually that they weren't coming to Phoenix, but evidently my heart didn't get the memo.
If I had a bucket list, I guess I could cross "have a good cry" off of it. Except there was nothing good about it.
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