Assurance vs. Fear

If you know me, you know that I am a news junkie. My dream family room is a wall of TV screens with all of the major news channels showing at once and running 24/7/365. I am obsessed with politics, current events, and human interest stories. I know, it's a sickness!

Yesterday as I was glued to the screen watching the events unfold in Canada, my heart ached for the people of our neighboring country. I know that yesterday was the day that a "new normal" will begin for Canada, just like 9/11 was the beginning of a "new normal" for the USA.

At one point, as I watching the eye witness accounts, a song popped into my head. At first I thought what a strange thing to think of at a time like this. But then I realized that it was an affirmation of assurance in the face of fear.

I serve a Risen Savior,
He's in the world today.
I know that He is living
whatever men may say.
I see His hand of mercy,
I hear His voice of cheer.
And just the time I need Him,
He's always near.

He lives! He lives!
Christ Jesus lives today.
He walks with me and talks with me
Along life's narrow way.
He lives! He lives!
Salvation to impart.
You ask me how I know He lives?
He lives within my heart.

Praying today for Canada, indeed for the World.

Calories

On Wednesday I met a friend for lunch at Mimi's Cafe. I haven't been there in a year or so and was looking forward to a relaxing meal. My quest for relaxation was shattered when I opened the menu and discovered that Mimi's is now posting calorie counts for each item they serve.

Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious.

My first thought was that I am not going to be able to eat anything for lunch. Even soup. Even salad. And forget about a sandwich or an entree. The calorie counts were through the roof! The smallest count on a sandwich was more than 700.

I frantically searched the menu for the "petite" or "half-size" portions. I literally was thinking "what am I going to eat?" when I finally spotted the soup or salad/half sandwich section.

Believe it or not the lowest calorie half sandwich was a BLT. It came in at 255 calories. Everything else was higher. Some were much higher. The garden salad was listed at 67 calories and the Caesar salad was 157. The dressings, of course, are on top of that.

I decided to order a half BLT, Caesar salad, dressing on the side. I really don't eat much dressing with my salad and I never eat the croutons. I don't like the "spiky" lettuces they put in the garden salads these days, so I thought I'd just stick with the Romaine in the Caesar salad.

Decision made, I sat back and waited for my friend to arrive. I couldn't wait to see her reaction.

After exchanging greetings, she opened the menu and I dropped the bombshell. "They have the calorie count on every item on the menu!" Her response as she scanned the menu, "oh my!"

As she exclaimed over the high calorie count on the soups and salads, and pointed out in disbelief that the BLT half sandwich had less calories than the half Turkey sandwich, I empathized. She finally ended up ordering the same sandwich, but with the garden salad.

We decided in the long run that this is a good thing. We begrudgingly opined that we hope every eating establishment starts this practice. I think I remember in the back of mind hearing that they all have to comply by January 2014. But don't quote me on that.

Our lunch was great, the conversation was uplifting, and we left having enjoyed our time together.

However...

Mimi's is now off my list of places to dine.

There's Always a First Time

Sometimes we forget that as we age we can still have "firsts". We may decide to take up a new hobby or sport. We may travel to new places. We might learn new skills. We most definitely in this day and age will learn new technologies. Seldom do we stop to acknowledge these "firsts".

 I did something for the first time in my life the other day. I ate a container of yogurt.

When the kids were little they ate yogurt frequently. I tasted it once in a while, but had no desire to eat it. Now that I'm watching my diet for so many reasons, I decided to give yogurt a second chance. It's tricky. I have an aversion to certain textures in my mouth, so I had to find a smooth yogurt. My choice was Yoplait Light Raspberry Cheesecake. It was smooth. It tasted very sweet, too sweet for me. The texture was thicker than I anticipated. But I ate the entire container.

Yippee for me! The next time I shopped, I bought another Yoplait Light. This time I'm going to try Very Vanilla. I hope it will be less sweet. I also bought some frozen yogurt because someone told me it's a good way to learn to eat yogurt. I'll just have to measure my serving to be sure it's 15 grams of carbs or less.

See... you can teach an old lady new tricks!

Fifty-five

When I saw today's quote I thought it was perfect for this day. Today is my birthday. I am now 55 years old. And anyone who knows me personally knows that I ask tons of questions. I have often been accused of being an interrogator. I'm not. I'm infinitely curious. About everything. About everyone.

As anyone who has read this blog much knows, I'm also over-analytical. I try to curb that tendency when it comes to my life. I'm not very successful at it. But I try.

Normally I pause to take stock of my life two times a year. On July 4th (don't ask me why, I don't know) and on December 26th. But as my birthday got nearer this year I found myself breaking that rule.

It all started about a week ago when I realized that in 15 years I'll be 70. Are you kidding? In just 15 years?! How is that possible? For some reason it has stuck in my brain. That realization has opened the door to all sorts of self-analysis. My birthday is one of my favorite days of the year (the other being Christmas) and that "70" looming has taken some of the joy from my day.

Well, it's attempted to take some of the joy.

The truth is I'm happy to be 55. I'm proud to be 55. I'm celebrating being 55. I'm going to enjoy being 55 for all it's worth. And then I'll move on to 56.

After all, inside of myself, I feel like I'm 40...

Good News/Bad News

Is anyone else confused about just how we are supposed to be living our lives these days? We are bombarded by dos and don'ts delivered in somber tones by the beautiful people reading the news. Yeah, right. Like they ever have any health issues or weight issues or financial issues.

Is it ok to eat eggs or should they be avoided? Is it better to eat sugar that is chemically manufactured or the raw, natural product? Am I gonna keel over dead if I drink Vitamin D Whole Milk instead of 1% or skim watered down milk? Red meat? White meat? Fish? No meat?

Some days I think it's better to just go on a Peanut M&M diet and call it good.

Here are some good news/bad news situations I've come across this week:

Dan's health - actually there is no bad news in this item. Dan got the results from all of his heart tests yesterday and it turns out that he has hypertension. Yippee! As I said to him on the way home, if you would have told me 30 years ago that I'd be happy one day to hear his blood pressure is high I never would have believed you. So, he'll go on a very low dose blood pressure med and we'll go from there.

Body shape - for years we've heard the dire consequences of having an apple shape vs. a pear shape body. You'll be glad to know that debate has now been resolved. I read in a magazine that it doesn't matter at all to your heart-health what shape your body is. That's the good news. The bad news is that no matter your shape, being overweight is gonna kill you.

Eating soy - Since the 70s (and maybe before then) I've heard about the benefits of eating soy. I even fed my kids soy-based formula because of dairy allergies in my family history. I must confess, I've never been a fan of soy products. As far as I know I've never consumed soy (unless I was served it without knowing it). In my mind soy is associated with making plastic. Anyway, Dan came home the other day and told me that soy is now considered not beneficial to your health (the good news) and downright dangerous to your health by some (the bad news). I googled the health benefits of soy and found several articles on the danger of eating it. Of course there are just as many articles touting its benefits. I guess you're on your own on this one.

Breast feeding - When I had my babies I chose to not breastfeed. I had many reasons for doing so and don't wish to engage in a debate about my decision. It was right for me. My kids were (and are) very healthy. They are not fat. Back in those days, if you were not going to breastfeed, they gave you a shot or pills to dry your milk up. Fast forward to today. Katie is not breastfeeding Thunder. She asked the nurses in the hospital about the shot or pill to dry up the milk. They told her there isn't one. She is suffering mightily right now since her milk came in and her pediatrician gave her a tip to help with that problem that involves cabbage. She called me to say she looked on the Internet and found that the reason they don't give the shot or pill anymore is that it's associated with higher incidents of cancer. Great. The good news is that I didn't have to suffer through as much breast discomfort as she is. The bad news is I guess I'm at higher risk for cancer. I decided not to worry about it though. As Katie said to me "everything today gives you cancer".

Sharing my faith - I have a 101 in 1001 list (see tab at the top of this blog).One of the items on my list is to share my faith with a Jehovah's Witness who knocks on my door. On Sunday morning, I was visited by two female JWs. I opened my door to find the younger one standing with her Bible open. She asked me if she could share a scripture with me. I said no, thank you. Then, for some unknown reason I said "If you'd step inside I'd like to share some scriptures with you that will show you the plan of salvation". She actually backed away from me while saying no. The good news is that I was bold in offering to share my faith with her. The bad news is that I realized I may never have that opportunity. So now I'm praying that every time the JWs visit my home I will be bold in sharing my faith. And that one day someone will take me up on that offer.

Appraisals - 2011 has been an awesome year for appraisals so far. It started out slow, but from April on we have been blessed abundantly with appraisal orders. That's the good news. The bad news is that poor Dan does not have time for anything else. We are trying to figure out how to find some balance in his life amid the appraisals and Sam's Club shifts. We see the finish line in sight, but we aren't sure how long it will take us to get there. We know that with the new mortgage requirements, he can't quit Sam's until we purchase a house. We should be eligible to purchase a house in Feb. unless they change the rules on us again. Please pray for Dan's stamina and health. I'm learning more each day that can help with the appraisals. But since I'm not an appraiser, there's only so much I can do.

Enjoy your Wednesday!

Just What I Needed

This morning I got out of bed all out of sorts. I didn't feel well physically. It seemed like the weight of all my worries hit me as soon as my feet hit the floor. I felt behind already and I hadn't even gotten dressed. I was agitated and frustrated.

When I signed on to update my blog I saw that A Baby Changes Everything had updated and clicked over to read her post. From there I found this blog. It was a God-thing. I know everybody gets these kind of emails all the time. I rarely stop to read them. Most of them have been around for a decade and I've received them multiple times. But for whatever reason this one was just what I needed this morning. So, I'm sharing it:

• Pray
• Go to bed on time
• Get up on time so you can start the day un-rushed
• Say "No" to projects that won't fit into your time schedule or that will compromise your mental health
• Delegate tasks to capable others
• Simplify and declutter your life
• Less is more, although one is often not enough and two are often too many
• Allow extra time to do things and get places
• Pace yourself; spread out big changes and difficult projects over time. Don't lump the hard things all together
• Take life one day at a time
• Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget about it
• Live within your budget. Don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases
• Have backups - an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
• K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut) This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble
• Do something for the "kid in you" everyday
• Get organized so everything has its place
• Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line
• Get enough rest
• Eat right
• Make friends with Godly people
• Listen to a tape while driving that will help improve the quality of your life
• Write down thoughts and inspirations
• Every day, find time to be alone
• Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it is time to go to bed to try and pray
• Keep a folder or post it notes of your favorite scripture on hand
• Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good "Thank You Jesus"
• Take your work seriously - but not yourself at all
• Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can)
• Laugh, and then laugh some more!
• Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it most)
• Sit on your ego
• Talk less and listen more
• Slow down!
• Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe

Thursday Thoughts

I think Thursday is becoming my catch-up day. It's really the Monday of my week because I don't have Sunny for the next four days so I race around trying to get a lot accomplished in between sitting and trying to catch up on my x-stitching, bill paying, reading, etc. I seriously don't know (or remember) how I did it when I had four kids the ages of 0-5 years at home. I'm deciding I must have been Superwoman! ha ha

Weather: As you know I'm a self-proclaimed weather wonk. I love anything having to do with the weather. My weather. Your weather. Europe's weather... you get the picture. After our record-breaking high of 111 degrees the other day, the meteorologists were promising cooler temps and RAIN! Oh yeah. Well, it cooled off some but the humidity is through the roof. And we didn't get one drop of rain at our house. It all went to the east side of town. Today is the first full day of Fall and I'm longing for some fall weather. Which in Phoenix means highs in the 90s and lows in the 70s. The only thing changing colors here is the grass. It's turning brown.

Sunny: Grammy Daycare with Sunny is going great if I do say so myself. I just love having her here. She's just a sponge soaking up experiences, information, skills. She provides never-ending entertainment for me. Yesterday she had attitude. This was a first for her and me although Katie's mentioned her attitude from time to time. I don't know what her problem was but she was frustrated with everything. The dogs. Me. Herself. It was hard for me to hide my smiles and laughter because I don't want her to think attitude is acceptable. But it's just so darn funny! I need to take some pictures of her next week. I'm behind on that.

Personal Responsibility: Go ahead. Those of you that know me. Roll your eyes. I know what you're thinking, "Here we go. She's on her soapbox again!" You're right. I am. But I'm really preaching to myself. It is just so easy to blame our character flaws, bad choices, wrong behavior, and whiny attitudes on others. It's even easier these days. In fact, it's the status quo. Just look at the example set by our elected officials. I was convicted this week of my judgmental attitude. I heard a story about a person with a really tough choice to make. She chose a solution that I disapproved of. My first reaction was one of shock and disappointment. Then I immediately was ashamed. Who am I to judge her? She's an adult. She knows her family situation. I also know she's not a believer, so wouldn't it be better for me to be praying for her than to be judging her? (She's not someone I have contact with, so I can't actively witness to her at this time). I ended up more appalled at myself than I was at her. Which is how God intended it. I'm not responsible for anyone else's actions. I am only responsible for me. And obviously, not doing a good job at being responsible for me. It really bugs me that now that the kids are gone, I have more time to see myself. I'm not sure I always like what I see!

Winner: I'm a winner! I was so surprised last night when I checked out Grammy Girlfriend to find that I am a winner in her latest giveaway. I never win anything, so this was a thrill! Teresa has two blogs, her personal one and a holiday blog. Her holiday blog is focusing more on Christmas now and I can't wait to see her Christmas tree designs. I know I'll be inspired. Thanks for picking me, Teresa!

Exercise: If you've been reading my blog for long, you know I keep trying different exercise options. It's not that I don't like to exercise, it's more that I'm clumsy and usually end up injuring some part of me that takes forever to heal. For example, I got a groin pull last February and I still can't put on socks or lace up shoes on my right foot without help. I can't bend and twist that leg at the same time. I asked my Dr. about it and she said groin pulls take forever to heal. She offered to send me to PT, but really, it's been this long already, I might as well tough it out on my own. Anyway... I've decided that walking is my best bet. I dug out my pedometer and am working toward 10,000 steps each day. Some days I make it. Some days I don't. 2,000 steps is approximately one mile. I always walk a minimum of three miles (6,000 steps) each day. I always feel so much better when I'm walking daily. And I don't injure myself!

As always, thanks for listening (really reading). Enjoy the day...

Terrific New Website... Check It Out!

I have posted before about my friend Joanna. She is a photographer and her work is fantastic. To see some of the four generation photos she took of my family look at my post of July 9, 2010. Joanna launched her new website this week. Be sure to check it out, and when you do have your speakers on.

It's a fun site to visit. She has a great eye and I love the way she describes her product as "modern and whimsical". That says it so much better than my layman's description of "she takes the pictures that are in-between the posed shots." I adored the four generation photos she took for us and now have plans to book her for our 30th anniversary photos, photos of my daughters and I, and photos of our whole family the next time we're all home together. However, my bookings are certainly not enough to provide her with a steady  income. That's where you all come in. If you live in the Phoenix area and you want quality photos of your family contact Joanna. And be sure to tell her Vicki sent you!

Remembering

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

My 6:00 am alarm went off at 5:53 am as usual. I always set my bedside clock five - seven minutes ahead so I won't be late. The radio was set to KTAR as usual because I was and am a total news junkie. It was a few minutes before the top-of-the-hour newscast and Ned Foster was discussing a small plane that had hit the World Trade Center in New York City. Never one to pass up an exciting story, I clicked on the bedroom TV to MNSBC (this was before they proclaimed their liberal agenda).

Sure enough, there it was, smoke pouring from the upper floors of one of the towers. I woke up Dan and we started debating if this was a small plane, a large plane, deliberate, an accident? Then, I watched in horror as another plane veered into the shot and into the other tower. The explosion was immediate. Fire. Bright reds, oranges, and yellows. Thick black smoke. It looked like a fireworks display had detonated out the sides of the building. I said, "whoa, that wasn't a small plane, that was a commercial jet." Our debate over the first strike was resolved in a few seconds. Large plane. Deliberate.

The thought "we're under attack" was immediate and real as well as unbelievable and surreal. My first thoughts went to my daughter Jessica who was away at her first year at UofA in Tucson. "What does a war in the United States look like?" "Are we safe?" "How will I get my daughter home?" "Do I go to work today?" My thoughts quickly turned to my friend whose husband was out of town. He works in law enforcement and was on an undercover assignment. I figured he would be called back to his home office. I called her, woke her up and told her to turn on the TV.

The extraordinary thing about that moment is that life went on as usual in my house. I got the kids up. I had every TV in the house turned to the cable news channels, but that wasn't that unusual for me. I explained what had happened and assured them that "yes, they still had to go to school". I got ready for work. The only unusual event was that I grabbed my camping TV to take to work with me so I could stay up to date. By the time I got everyone to school the Pentagon had been hit. Flight 93 was missing. I was sort of in shock and sort of thinking this was a dream and sort of convinced this was really bad. The worst event, the worst disaster to occur in my life up to that moment.

At work I plugged in my little black and white and watched the drama, the horror continue to unfold. The replaying of the jumpers. The replaying of each tower collapse. The replaying of the Pentagon in flames. The replaying of a black scar on the earth in Pennsylvania. I kept track of the President's whereabouts. The Vice-President's whereabouts. The Secretary of State's whereabouts. I watched the celebrations in Palestine. I watched the weeping in the United States. I was exhausted by the end of that work day. I doubt I got any work accomplished.

Driving home, the tone of the newscasters on the radio had switched from shock to indignation that we would be considered vulnerable to defiance that we could be defeated. The name Osama Bin Laden was already being bandied about as the mastermind to this event.

That night at dinner we discussed the attacks. Talked about what the next few days might bring. Explained that the country was at war, declared or not. We watched the President address the nation and then I settled down to watch the human interest stories already being aired on MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News. I cried as I watched the pictures of the missing go up on fences, walls, lamp posts, and buildings around New York City. I cried at the look of shock, despair and horror on the faces of the family members.

I watched far too late into the night and then reluctantly went to bed to try to sleep for a few hours.

On Wednesday, September 12, 2001 I awoke to the sound of my 6:00 am alarm going off at 5:53 am. I heard the voice of Ned Foster on KTAR talking about the overnight developments. I set about my day in the new normal of life in the United States of America. The post-9/11 life that continues today.

Changes

This week brings many changes:

Dan's birthday is tomorrow and he's turning 55. Happy Birthday! He informed me last week that this birthday is bothering him. I was really taken aback because I can't remember him ever having a birthday that bothered him. He's kind of down and quiet. Wonder if I'll feel that way next year when I turn 55? Nah, I plan to feel bothered when I turn 80.

September starts on Wednesday, yippee! At my house fall begins on September 1st or Labor Day weekend whichever comes earliest. I hauled down my fall decor bins and am scouting my home to see how I will decorate this year. I'm also going to change my blog design to an autumn theme on Wednesday.

As I'm writing this, my weather channel on the computer says its 87 degrees, the weather widget on my blog says it's 84 degrees. Either way, it's not 110 degrees! This morning when I went outside at 7:00 am, it actually felt cool! (Well, cool for here anyway). Thursday this week marks the earliest last 100 degree day for Phoenix. It happened it 1904. It's not gonna happen this year, but the end of the 100s is in sight. Hopefully by October 1st.

I'm also changing our "curriculum" at Grammy daycare this week. In August we concentrated on the concepts of "open and shut". We also studied animal identification and the sounds various animals make. For September we're adding the concepts of "loud and quiet" and the study of shapes and colors. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?!

Change is in the air...

Saturday

I remember when the weekends meant something to me. Dan & I worked during the week, the kids went to school and the weekends were a time for outdoor chores, sleeping late (for the kids anyway), going to church, attending sports events, visiting with family and friends; the weekend marked a change in our normal routine.

Now, I sometimes have to consult a calendar to even realize that it is the weekend. It's not because of memory loss, it's because of change in lifestyle. There are no kids here to remind me that it's the weekend because they're not going to school. Dan & I still work, but not at 9-5 office jobs MTWTF. We still go to church, but sometimes it's by listening to the sermon over the Internet. The weekends are no longer a time for running errands, we do that whenever we get the chance. They're no longer a time for rest and relaxation. If Dan doesn't have to work on a weekend day, then we're running around trying to catch up on everything that we've let slide.

On the whole, I appreciate our 24/7/365 lifestyle. I grew up in Kansas when the "Blue Laws" were still in effect and the malls and stores (except grocery stores) weren't open on Sundays until I was way up in high school. I was so thrilled when that change came about. I love 24 hour grocery stores. It's not that I shop at 1 am, it's just that I like knowing that I can shop at 1 am if I choose to.

But sometimes, like this morning, I miss the weekends of the past.

Thursday Thoughts

Thank goodness my refrigerator is fixed. Now we'll see how long it lasts. I will say that this tech was much more professional from the start, so I have high hopes that he really did fix it. There was a loose wire which caused the defrost thermostat to malfunction. I never needed the two new computer boards that the other company installed. It is so frustrating!

My birthday is coming next week. I love my birthday, I always have and I probably always will. I'm not ashamed of my age, I'm proud of it. I enjoy having a day to celebrate myself without feeling guilty or egotistical. One of the best things about birthdays these days is that I get all of these coupons and free stuff in my email basket every day in the week leading up to the actual date. Plus, Dan turns 55 this year, and I noticed on the Fry's ad yesterday that the first Wed of the month is Seniors Day and you get %10 off your bill. Yippee!

Can I just tell you that holding a grandchild in your lap with her head pressed against your chest is the next best feeling in the world to holding your own child that way?! Sunny didn't feel good on Tues/Wed this week. Yesterday, she sat for most of her time here (when she wasn't napping) on my lap with her head pressed into my chest. I sing to her when she sits that way. I guess the vibrations of my voice must sound cool through my chest wall. Anyway, it's the most precious thing in the world.

I used to love watching the Weather Channel. I'm totally into weather and there is no statistic too bizarre for me to file away in my brain. Since the WC became part of the NBC family, I've been very disappointed and rarely watch it. Seriously, do we need to get news stories slanted to NBC's political agenda on the Weather Channel?! I don't. I just want the weather forecast, facts, and figures. Plus, they gear it all to the east coast time zone now and from about 7 pm on we get the re-run here in Phoenix. I want current weather, not 10 pm EDT weather. It just sucks.

Speaking of the weather, August 10 is the average last day for 110 degrees or higher in the Phoenix area. That's a milestone to look forward to. As we all know, average doesn't really mean a thing. The latest 110 degree or higher day that we've had was on September 15 - ugh. We have to wait until September 28 for the average last 100 degree or higher day. In 2003 it was 100 or above on October 23. I remember that year, it was very warm that Halloween.

I have a lot more thoughts for Thursday, but they're best shared on my political blog...

I'm frustrated...

... or maybe it's something beyond frustration. Our refrigerator is out again. I thought maybe it was feeling warmer on Sunday so I put the thermostat we usually keep in the garage freezer in the fridge to check the temp. By last night it was up to 50 degrees. So once more, it was time to borrow ice chests, take everything out of the fridge, load into ice chests. I feel so bummed out.

This time I called Whirlpool. They gave me the number of a local Whirlpool repair shop. I called them, explained the sequence of events including how much I got charged the first time by another shop for the part. This guy mildly commented, "that's too much". Great. Not only does my fridge not work, but I let myself get scr***d in the process.

So, the new repair tech is coming out today at 11:00 am. I hope he/she knows what to do. The guy I talked to did say the parts have a 90 day warranty. I asked if that meant I have to call the old place if my parts are bad. He replied that they would handle it for me. That's good.

I wish I understood credit cards better. I have half a mind to call mine and make them get the $300+ back that I paid the first guy. I don't know if that's allowed or not. Can you do that if you just get taken advantage of? Guess I'll wait and see what the new tech says and then go from there.

I just want cold water, cold milk, cold OJ, cold margarine... you get the picture.

And I don't want to have to call a refrigerator repair tech every two weeks.

Have a nice day...

I'm Disappointed, I'm Just Not Sure Why

When I started this blog last October I wrote a post about the inspiration I received from a discussion on KLOVE, "What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?" (10/17/09). Since then I have tried to make that my measuring stick for deciding whether or not to take risks. I took a risk this week that didn't pan out the way I hoped it would and I'm disappointed.

I had a best friend from 6th grade through to young adulthood that I lost track of somewhere between getting married and having four kids. As with most things that slip out of our lives, I really can't remember what year we lost touch. Since the advent of the Internet I have looked for her occasionally, never finding her. For some reason this week, I decided to try again. I found her! There was even a picture so I knew I had the right person (she looks exactly the same, lucky girl).

I emailed her and then waited on pins and needles to see if she would: a) reply, and b) remember me. She did reply and so I wrote her another email with a little more detail about my life and with questions about her mom and sisters. I ended by asking if she'd like to reconnect and stating that I would.

I guess it never occurred to me that she wouldn't reply. How egotistical of me. But that's exactly what happened. No reply. Now, it could be that she's busy and will reply when she has time. It could be that she accidentally deleted my email and doesn't have my email address. It could be... lots of things.

I'm really not concerned with why she didn't reply. I'm stymied by my disappointment in the fact that she didn't reply. Do I have some agenda I'm not owning up too? I thought I just had a curiosity about what has happened to someone who used to be a dear friend. I thought I just wanted to reconnect and renew a casual friendship. I didn't think I would take this so personally.

I asked myself "what would I do if I weren't afraid?" and I did it. It didn't work, it ended unsatisfactorily, but I guess I grew in the process. Disappointment is not devastating. I can shrug and say "oh well" and move on.

And who knows... someday she may come across me and reach out. If she does, I'll be pleased to get to know her once again.

Back to School... Already?!

As I was perusing the ads in the Sunday paper, I saw lots of "Back to School" specials. Are you kidding me?! It's July 11th! Wow, does time fly.

When I see the words "back to school" my stomach still clinches until I remember that I no longer have to buy school supplies. It was one of the most dreaded, and yet most anticipated times of the year for me. I love school supplies. Of course, it stands to reason since I have that paper addiction, pen addiction, marker ad..., well you get the point.

Given my attraction to all things office supply, you'd think I would have loved back to school shopping. The thing that got me down was the cost. Four kids, all needing: pencils, paper, notebooks, backpacks, lunch packs, erasers, scissors, pens, markers, crayons, boxes of Kleenex for the class, colored pencils, folders, spiral theme notebooks (some college lined, some wide lined), calculators (yes, you can buy the off-brand, but it doesn't have all the functions the $200.00 model has). As they got up in years, especially in high school the costs kept mounting. Now they all needed athletic passes, lunch accounts, yearbooks, parking spots, band uniforms, mock trial business suits, sports equipment, dance costumes... sigh.

And I haven't even mentioned the new clothes, shoes, hair accessories...

But, oh the memories. Let's face it, it was fun of the highest order. The anticipation of who would have what teacher. Which friends would be in their classroom. Who would have the same lunch period. What should they wear on the first day of school (once they got past 7th grade, they rarely wore the new outfit on the first day... why is that?!)

So for you still in the middle of the "kids in school" phase, enjoy the excitement of back to school season. For you who have yet to experience this, get ready, it's a dream and a nightmare rolled into one. And for those of you like me who are past it, just think, you'll someday have grandchildren going back to school, and you can buy them all of the frivolous, cool, outrageous stuff you couldn't afford to buy your own kids!

Closed Blinds

I am an open blinds person. There are several reasons for this, I like sunshine, I'm blind as a bat and need all the light I can get to see anything, I'm terrified of the dark, and so on.

The houses in our neighborhood are only 10 feet apart from each other. That's not an exaggeration, it's a fact. We moved in last February and the first thing I did every morning was to go around and open all the window blinds. I quickly realized that if our neighbors had their blinds open too, they could see right into our house. Oh well, I have nothing to hide, my house is decluttered, and I always have clothes on, so no big deal. (the windows in our bedroom face the backyard, so no one can ever see in there)

But, I didn't need to worry about it because our neighbors never opened their blinds. At least the ones to the west didn't. I don't really know if the ones to the east do or not. They have such dense window shades that I doubt if I could see in, if I really tried, which I haven't. But the house to the west doesn't have window shades, so I can see them clearly.

What makes people like to live with their blinds closed? Or in a house with dim lighting? My sister-in-law likes to have her house dark as a cave. She must not be near-sighted at all! Being in a dark or dim environment is creepy to me. While I know intellectually that whatever is there in the dark also exists in the light, that doesn't stop my over-active imagination from running wild in a dark room.

It just got me to wondering this morning as I opened my blinds and noticed that my brand new neighbors to the west are not opening their blinds either, what makes us open blinds or closed blinds people? Which are you?

Daylight Savings Time

Daylight Savings Time begins this coming weekend. It is a sad day for me. A time when half of my children and two of my friends are suddenly three hours difference from me. Another friend is two hours different.

Arizona does not participate in Daylight Savings Time. Except for the Navajo Nation, can you imagine being in one time zone and your neighbor down the road in another? Your home in one, your kids school in another? Talk about confusion...

The good news about DST is that California is the same time as us, so it's easier to call Dan's sister. Plus, the shows on TNT that we like are on at 10:00 pm instead of 11:00 pm so we can actually watch them if we plan ahead and take a nap. The downside though, is trying to figure out when to call the East Coast family/friends. It's virtually impossible to call them in the evening. By the time we're through with dinner and settling down, it's after 10:00 pm and they're all going to bed. If I want to talk to them in the morning before they go to work, I have to get up at 4:00 am to place the call. It's exasperating... vexing... irksome... a royal pain.

I'm sure it's just as annoying for them. They either are waking me up or calling at dinner time... neither is condusive to long conversations.

So, for everyone in the USA (except Arizona) get ready this weekend to spring forward!

Quotes

I've been thinking about this for a few days now; what makes a quote a quote?

Each day I choose a quote to post on the right hand side of this blog. Some days the person quoted is very famous, a politician, a founding father, a poet, somebody big that we've all heard of. Other days, like today, it's an actor. Most days it's someone I've never heard of.

As I was typing today's quote from Drew Barrymore, I was thinking "what makes her words quotable?" I mean, I have friends that say profound things all the time. Rarely,something profound even comes out of my mouth. I certainly do not consider myself quotable.

Wouldn't it be interesting though, to start writing down the wise sayings that come from my friends? Can you imagine what they would think if they saw their words, attributed to them in my daily quote column?! That is, if they ever even look at my blog.

If I did decide to quote my friends, would I have to get permission? Should I have them sign a waiver so they can't sue me? Should I offer them a royalty?

We hardly pay attention to the words we use as they're leaving our mouths. Sometimes we're so intent on getting across a point or opinion that we don't even hear what we're saying. Have you ever had a conversation with someone only to wonder a few hours later "what did I say?" Or to stop and think "was I really that rude (or bold, or tactless, or insensitive)? "

Our words hold a power that we take lightly. If you don't think that's true, think about how powerful the words others say to you are.

Quotes. Who decides?

Facing Reality, No, Accepting Reality... Bites!

When I was in my 40s, I used to joke (kinda) about how cool it would be when we were finally old enough to get senior discounts. I mean, old people have all the luck. Everything is discounted for them, either all the time or on certain days of the week.

Fast forward to last year. We were moving into our rental, it had poured down rain all day, my book boxes and photo boxes got wet and my mom and I were busy unpacking and drying them before they got ruined. Everyone else was frantically trying to move all of our belongings into the garage and house. I lost track of time and realized my blood sugar was plummeting and I needed to eat - NOW.

Katie drove me to Golden Corral, where the others would meet us as soon as they finished the last load. By the time we got to the restaurant I was in the state of confusion that results from really low blood sugar. We got our meal, I ate some carbs and started to regain my sanity. That's when Katie showed me, while laughing, that they had charged me the senior discount price. Well, I was a little offended, but given my state of mind, I could understand their mistake. After all, you have to be 60 to get the discount there. I was only 52 at the time.

However, they continued to make that mistake. Almost every time Dan & I would go there, they gave us the senior discount. I would point out to them that we're not 60, but they just said "oh, well". Occasionally, they would ask if we deserved it, but 90% of the time they just assumed.

Then, we went to a new restaurant in town this summer and that waiter gave us the discount too. I said, "how old do you have to be to get the discount?". "55", he replied. Me: "just who at this table looks 55 to you? Him, right?" He hemmed and hawed and then apologized. Oh my goodness! Poor Dan, I didn't realize he looked that old to other people, right?!

Oh yeah, reality struck me this past Thursday. I stopped at Wendy's before picking Dan up from work. As the cashier rang up my order, I saw a 10% discount flash by. I said, "why did you give me a 10% discount?" He said, "Oh, I just do it automatically because I get tired of the complaints if I don't." I said, "Complaints from who? Who would expect a 10% discount at Wendy's?" He said, starting to look uncomfortable: "Seniors". I said, "how old do you have to be to get the discount?" Him: "55". Me: "Do I look 55 to you?" He stood his ground and explained that he got so tired of people chewing him out that he just tried to guess. I replied, "oh, you mean like how they card everyone 45 and under for alcohol?" He brightened and said, "yeah, that's what I do". I said "Oh, then you must give the senior discount to everyone that looks 30 or older!" We both laughed, and off I went with my 10% discount on my $5.00 meal.

The fact of the matter is that I am 53 years old, soon to be 54 in August. I have never been ashamed of my age. As a matter of fact, I love my birthdays because I've worked hard to gain each year. But, there's something about people assuming that I deserve the senior discount that really bothers me. Dan, on the other hand, just likes the savings.

The hard truth is that even though I feel like I'm about 35, I must look like I'm about 53. So, I'm going to accept it. I'm going to be proud of it. I'm going to celebrate it. But, I'm still going to cringe every time I see that %10 come off of my purchase!

John Edwards

OK, this is purely an opinion piece, you may disagree with me and we'll still be friends. I have to admit right at the top that I've never been a John Edwards fan. He strikes me as being too slick and glib. On my scale of rating politicians those qualities are near the top of my list of unforgivable characteristics.

That being said... I watched some show on ABC last night about John Edwards affair. I think it was 20/20. (I don't watch anything on ABC so am not familiar with their shows or news people). I only saw the last 30 minutes, but I am even more appalled at the things John Edwards has done than I was before.

Can you imagine how his wife, Elizabeth must feel. If I were her I would be thinking, "I wasted my HEALTH on this jerk!"

I don't have a very high opinion of Andrew Young and his wife either, however, I'm somewhat impressed with their willingness to admit the wrongs they committed in this whole situation. I also understand that they will profit from the mistakes they made. I thought it was pathetic that he kept saying that he's now unemployable. He's not, he's just unemployable in politics. I'm sure he can get some other type of job, but I guess he feels some other type of job would be beneath him.

I guess the moral of this story is that we rarely acknowledge that we are capable of unimaginable actions. I got the impression that the Young's look at themselves and can't believe they got caught up in this mess. They just kept repeating, we were wrong for doing this, we were wrong for doing that. They also expressed sorrow and remorse for their roles in enabling John Edwards to perpetrate such a lie.

Wonder if John Edwards will bounce back from this? What his wife will do? How he'll make amends to the daughter he denied? Stay tuned, I'm sure we haven't heard the last of him.