Shake, Rattle, and Yawn

This past weekend I was talking to my son, JD about the increase in earthquakes in Oklahoma. There are several theories as to the cause of these quakes. I don't care about the cause. I only care about the fear factor. I am afraid of earthquakes.

Growing up in Kansas, we didn't have earthquakes. We only had tornadoes. And in all of my years of living there I never saw a tornado. I learned to grab my stuff and head to the basement when the sirens went off. (As I got older, I took my stuff to the basement and then ran outside to crane my neck to try to see the funnel cloud). In school we learned to all crouch under our desks or in the cloakroom when the sirens went off.

My mom watched a tornado destroy a neighborhood from across I-35 when we lived in Lenexa, KS. But that's the closest I've come to a twister.

I respect tornadoes, but I don't have a deep-seated fear of them.

Earthquakes are another story. You can't take cover from them. The sirens don't sound to warn you that one is imminent. They are very scary. They are why I never want to live in California (well, that, and the political environment and the tax rate and the lack of water).

This morning we awoke to the news that three earthquakes occurred overnight about 45 miles from our house. The first one was at approximately 9 pm - a 3.2. We were watching the Royals mount an epic comeback over the Mets at that time. We didn't feel a thing. Our pool didn't slosh onto the cool deck. Our dogs and cat didn't act odd.

The next two shakes happened at 11:30 and 11:50 pm. They were stronger - a 4.1 and a 4.0. I was asleep.

Now I know intellectually that earthquakes, like every other natural phenomenon can occur anywhere. But seriously, if we're going to start having them, I will start looking for a safer place to live. Where that is, I have no idea.

Although I have heard of plans to colonize Mars. Oh wait, I think that's just a movie...

Fear of Flying

This probably won't come as a surprise to most of you, given my fearful nature overall, but I am afraid of flying. That's not to say I haven't flown. I have. Six torturous times. Actually those were round trips, so that really means twelve tortuous times.

I have been afraid to fly since I was a preteen. For some reason in my preteen years I was plagued with nightmares about plane crashes. Never having been on a plane, I couldn't be sure, but they seemed pretty realistic to me. No problem, I figured, I'll just never fly.

Obviously, that didn't work out for me.

I haven't been on a plane for at least 14 years.

Now, we've been invited to Thanksgiving at JD & Janel's in South Carolina. They extended the invitation on their way home from our house at Christmas. JD, thoughtfully, wanted to give me time to prepare for the trip.

The first month, all I did was tell myself, "I'm going to South Carolina for Thanksgiving", you know, to get used to the idea. Then in February, I started researching taking the train. I would love to take the train, it's one of my dreams to go on a train trip. However, it's a long trip with many transfers, layovers, and in my opinion, the Amtrak site is hard to navigate.

So, now it's March. I went online and looked up the fear of flying class offered for free at Sky Harbor Airport. The next class is in May and they're not taking sign ups yet. So, I signed up for the fear of flying newsletter.

After signing up, I told Dan that my heart was already racing and my arms felt numb. But, I was proud of myself for taking a baby step.

The reason I'm telling you all this, is to have some accountability partners. I need to figure out how to get on the plane. I have almost eight months to prepare myself.

Of course Dan's big worry is that I'll manage to get on the plane in Phoenix, and then refuse to get on the plane in South Carolina!

Seriously, I'd appreciate some prayer support on this one...

Nine Years Ago Today

On October 27, 2000, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Now, I know there are much worse things to be diagnosed with, but for me, this was devestating news.

I grew up on the horror stories of "sugar diabetes". Hearing about children that came down with it, having to endure insulin shots multiple times a day in their stomachs. Hearing about adults that lost some toes, then some fingers, a foot, a hand, a leg - well, you get the picture.

I hate needles and I was scared to death that I would be the one giving myself shots in the stomach. Thank God for my doctor, Linda Motsch. She knew me, my aversion to needles and pills, and told me she thought I was a good candidate for controlling it with diet and exercise. I guess maybe she had picked up on my stubborn streak over the years of treating me!

I visited the Diabetic Educator at our local hospital, and immediately changed my eating habits. I (foolishly) waited a month to begin to test my blood sugar (it was the fear of the needle), but I did learn how with no problem. I lost over 50 pounds, and felt much better.

One of my fears about being diabetic, was (is) the fear of what will happen down the line. I've been able to control it for nine years with diet and exercise, but what happens if that changes? I know the complications, and none of them are pretty. But usually, I'm able to set those fears aside by looking at my record book and seeing day after day of acceptable blood sugars.

I've gotten used to the foods I can eat and when I can eat them. I do really good at staying on a strict schedule throughout the day. I don't feel bad when we go to events that fall outside of my schedule, I just don't eat. Or, I eat the non-carb foods if there are any. I've learned that it's the people I'm with, not the food that's being served that makes the event special.

All in all, having diabetes has been a blessing. It forced me to eat healthier (although why I couldn't figure it out on my own really bugs me). It forced me to consider my good health and work to preserve it. It totally changed my outlook on food. I now view food as something that's necessary, not something that's pleasurable or comforting.

It reminded me that self-discipline, while difficult, has its rewards. So, here's to the next nine years... hopefully medication free!

What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?

I was listening to KLOVE this past week during their Fall Pledge Drive. The female on-air personality was talking about a discussion she and her husband had. They were discussing a personal decision that she needs to make. She said the conversation went on for more than an hour, with her crying throughout. As they neared the end of the talk, her husband looked at her and said "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Man, that really got me.

I have always been a fearful person, from the time I was a child. I have two major fears: the dark and being alone, but I've also picked up a myriad of little "inconsequential" fears along the way that keep me from doing what I want to do, trying what I need to try. All the rest of this week when I find myself needing to make decisions, I hear that voice, "what would you do if you weren't afraid?"

So far, I've done two things: start this blog, and begin an exercise program that I purchased about 18 months ago. Don't ask me what I was afraid of that kept me from these activities before. I can't explain it. I do know, however, that fear is paralyzing. It can keep us from taking a single step, keep us plastered on the space we now occupy. It can ruin relationships, mess with our self-esteem, and cause ill health.

I've never had a personal motto before, but I think I'm going to take this one on for a while... what would you do if you weren't afraid?