When I started this blog last October I wrote a post about the inspiration I received from a discussion on KLOVE, "What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?" (10/17/09). Since then I have tried to make that my measuring stick for deciding whether or not to take risks. I took a risk this week that didn't pan out the way I hoped it would and I'm disappointed.
I had a best friend from 6th grade through to young adulthood that I lost track of somewhere between getting married and having four kids. As with most things that slip out of our lives, I really can't remember what year we lost touch. Since the advent of the Internet I have looked for her occasionally, never finding her. For some reason this week, I decided to try again. I found her! There was even a picture so I knew I had the right person (she looks exactly the same, lucky girl).
I emailed her and then waited on pins and needles to see if she would: a) reply, and b) remember me. She did reply and so I wrote her another email with a little more detail about my life and with questions about her mom and sisters. I ended by asking if she'd like to reconnect and stating that I would.
I guess it never occurred to me that she wouldn't reply. How egotistical of me. But that's exactly what happened. No reply. Now, it could be that she's busy and will reply when she has time. It could be that she accidentally deleted my email and doesn't have my email address. It could be... lots of things.
I'm really not concerned with why she didn't reply. I'm stymied by my disappointment in the fact that she didn't reply. Do I have some agenda I'm not owning up too? I thought I just had a curiosity about what has happened to someone who used to be a dear friend. I thought I just wanted to reconnect and renew a casual friendship. I didn't think I would take this so personally.
I asked myself "what would I do if I weren't afraid?" and I did it. It didn't work, it ended unsatisfactorily, but I guess I grew in the process. Disappointment is not devastating. I can shrug and say "oh well" and move on.
And who knows... someday she may come across me and reach out. If she does, I'll be pleased to get to know her once again.
I too would be disappointed but more than that, curious. I would dream up all kinds of odd situations of why she wouldn't want me in her life again. That's just who I am. ha ha
ReplyDeleteGood for you for taking this leap. Maybe send her an email again in a few months. If she lost your email it will give her the chance to reconnect; if she can't stand the sight of your name she probably won't reply. ha ha I'm laughing, hope you are too.:)
This really has nothing to do with your post but everything to do with your blog. Tonight I read Katy's whole blog. I know you sent me her blog and I just half heartedly read it. Sorry to admit that. I experienced every emotion reading their story. Thanks!
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