Now I Feel Like a Grown-up

Real Simple magazine sponsors a writing contest every year. A couple of years ago the subject was "When Did You Feel Like a Grown-up?". I was inspired by that subject, and immediately began to compose an essay. It was humorous and pithy, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, when I read the fine print of what the prize included for the winner, I gave up. Along with the $3000 cash prize and the publishing of the story in the magazine, you also received a trip for two to New York City for a publicity tour. An airplane trip to NYC.

I'm afraid to fly. End of story.

I now have a real life answer to the question the magazine posed. I first felt like a grown-up on Tuesday, June 7, 2011.

Dan was born with a congenital condition called "pectus excavatum". Instead of having an outwardly rounded chest, his sternum is caved in, causing his ribcage to be collapsed. Because of the deformity of the chest, the heart is often displaced into the left chest area. Sometimes this condition can cause shortness of breath, fatigue, and rapid heart beat.

Lately Dan has been feeling fatigued, so our family doctor suggested he go to a cardiologist. We went on Tuesday, and after seeing his EKG, she announced that it looked like he's had a heart attack since his last EKG in 2010. I was absolutely numb. How could he have had a heart attack without us knowing it? She kept talking about this possibility while getting ready to listen to his chest.

As she put the stethoscope up to his chest, she pulled it back and exclaimed, "Oh, you have a pectus!" (His shirt was on so she couldn't see his chest) She then said that could be the cause of the abnormal EKG. (He's still gonna have a stress test and a carotid artery test just to be sure. The tests are scheduled for early July.) I was still stuck on the "might have had a heart attack" opinion. I asked her how he could have a heart attack without either of us knowing? She said that's pretty common. Oh, my goodness.

Being the incessant worrier that I am, I was still reeling when we got in the car to drive home. As we drove along, Dan wasn't worried, but I was trying to process the what ifs. I turned to Dan and said "Now, I feel like a grown-up, an old grown-up." He laughed and asked me why. I told him it's because we're at the age where we might start to have health issues. I'm not ready for that.

While I'm still a little concerned about her nonchalant "might have had a heart attack" statement, I'm 90% sure he hasn't had one and that the abnormal EKG was due to misplacement of the leads. After all, the lady who gave him the EKG was in training. She may not have seen that condition before. I'll be glad when he has the tests so we can know for sure.

However, I changed that day sitting in that office. I'm now having to face the reality of what the next 30 or so years could bring. There is a part of me that has sobered up. There may come a day when we can't do everything we want to do. Everything we used to do.

Actually, that day has already come and gone. There are things that I used to physically do that I can't any more. But I adjusted. When one skill or ability deteriorates, I just pick up another one. I'm sure that trait will continue as I venture into the world of being "grown-up".

I do miss the way I felt on Monday, June 6, 2011 though. I think it's gone forever...